The Choices we Make 4

Hello Diary,

Today is the worst day of my life, or rather I would say the scariest. There is something I have to tell you diary, something I have told no one, a great secret that must not be shared. I haven’t been totally honest with you but today I would come clean, remember I told you of how I spoke with Bode about the relationship and he asked me what I was going to do? Well, on that day I stayed back at the bar and got myself drunk after he left for wherever it is he went. A guy approached me at the table and got talking, I can’t even remember his name but I responded because I thought it would be a great way to get back at Bode and maybe if I told him that I found a new love, he would get jealous and reach out for my heart again. I went home with the guy and what awaited me was not what I had expected, this guy had 4 of his friends waiting for us at home, it was then I knew I was doomed. I asked him what was going on and tried to leave immediately, but one jumped off quickly to lock the doors, while I tried to scream, the tall lanky one among them grabbed me from behind with his hand over my mouth and the other hand twisting my left arm, I bit him immediately and set myself free of him. His friends laughed at him which made him more angry as he dashed towards me, I ran round the house screaming but it was no good as they already increased the volume of their T.v, as the movie FINAL DESTINATION was on, so my screams just blended with the movie. Finally he caught me and slapped me so hard I fell on the floor with drop dripping from my lips, before I could stand the one that brought me home jumped on me and the rest held my hands and my legs and with a scissors they cut through my pretty dress. He and his 4 other friends took turns in raping me and made me watch them do it, I tried to shut my eyes, I tried to scream but there was no point. I just laid there and let them do what they wanted, when they were done, they threw me out of the house and asked me to walk home without clothes, I stood outside in the cold naked, and stared into nothing, I was looking but I wasn’t seeing.

I remember every moment of it like it was yesterday and every moment since then I felt worthless, I always have to look over my shadow, I have prayed for death, I have screamed out my head, I have used pills but death has refused to show up at my doorstep. Now you might ask why I haven’t gone to report them to the police but think about it, if truly I do report them, who would believe my story or rather who would be blamed? The boys who raped me time after time like an animal or the girl, who went home with a stranger in the first place. I have promised to take matters into my hands and make everyone pay, most especially Bode. I would make him pay if that’s the last thing I ever do.

I blame Bode for everything that ever happened to me. I remember all their faces and I am coming for their souls. I am sorry diary, I know I should have told you this from the beginning, but from now on I promise not to. I would tell you everything I do.

Today, I went to the market to buy me a breathing rabbit, fed it, bathed it, I even wore it a bow tie, it was looking so cute I named him Bode. The best part is I believe I am becoming heartless, you wouldn’t believe what I did to the rabbit. I cut off its legs, hands, ears, I skinned it alive, I danced to its cries and I watched it bleed to death, then tore it open 5 different ways, and burnt what’s left of it. Don’t get scared diary, I am only preparing myself for what I am going to do to everyone that ever caused me pain. I really don’t want to but I have to, if not they would do the same to some other girl out there. I love you my dear diary but when I killed the rabbit, I felt very alive for the first time in a long time, which makes me certain that I have to do this. I hope you understand and please don’t judge me because someone has got to make them pay. I totally agree with you, I am more psychotic and more dangerous by the moment. Which is why I need your help. Help me diary! I have to go now, there’s a knock on the door. No one ever knocks on my door, who could that be?

Good night Diary.

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