I’ve been wondering for a while whether happiness is an illusion. What it takes for someone to be happy. Endlessly. Money. Power. Wealth. Love. Prominence. Family. Friends. Success. Career.
For a journalist to be, I don’t think much about being happy in the future. Instead, I focus my attention on achiveving and doing the work that will get me where I want to go.
What do I want? To make a difference? How? Through writing of course and practicing journalism; spoken or written. However, this is a tough career choice. When I went to JobNet event on Wednesday to see if I can find any job opportunities, I was shocked by the fact that most employers and company agents came to advertise their services. Despite that, I was even more shocked to see how few the opportunities for communication and mass media were.
Ironically, every journalist wants to make it big. But do we have oppenings? I guess not. A friend of mine advised me to brand myself so that I can be able to find entrance. Good. This is now what is on my mind. To work for me.
But then I fell into this phase of doubts. And I wonder: can I really do it? Do I have everything that it takes? When I started college about a year ago, I was so very excited and some people who knew me said that this is the right choice for me.
Sure, I love being on camera and reporting. I enjoyed interviewing people and asking them worthwhile questions whenever I did it. I love writing news stories. I love cracking down events. I love media criticism. Oh, I love many things about journalism. But what do I miss?
Being sociable. It’s funny the way when I try to connect with people career wise, I am so perfect at it. When I went to SeedStar Africa event, I was kinda bumped because I did not know how to connect with all of those enterpreneurs and IT people who were there.
Next, something came up of finding new businesses that were unique among businessmen and women who attended. Then, I was on fire. I was able to talk to many, many people who were there. Talking mostly felt like I was interviewing them than I was socializing with them or anything else. Still it was much better and I felt so free.
So what if I can’t socialise off the record? And I have to connect with the public. I have to convince them. I have to win people’s trust. And I try and try and try, but I keep failing this. So, I think it is genetic. I can’t socialise. Which is an acquired taste in journalism (socialising). So, what do I do? I doubt whether I made the right choice. A good one, if I think about how financialy tight journalism is business-wise.
I have a career choice; which is journalism. I have a passion, which is writing. This one, I am definitely all in; big plans to start writing novels. Then I have a vision; something in which I need to contribute to this world. Something which will definitely make me happy.
When I walk around, look at the world, many things, big and small hurt me. They make me feel so sad that I wish I had the ability, even magical powers to change them. Unfortunately, I can’t. However, when I was so little, before I was 10, I decided. I made a decision of what I will do, no matter what. And I will.
When I finished high school, about a year and a half ago, many schoolmates of mine were very convinced that I will go to a US college right away. Sadly, I didn’t. In a good way, I stayed and learnt a lot about Africa and Rwanda that I didn’t know.
Then, when I chose Mass Media and Communication for college faculty, people were shocked. I studied Electronics and Computer Science in High School. The School wasn’t that good, but I was the best in my class for 3 whole years. Not to show off or anything, but the point is; I was good at that. With women empowerment, this was kind of a sign that a woman can do it, sometimes even better.
With all of that potential and all of that success, ironically, I actually didn’t feel good enough to continue in that course. So, I left it to follow something that I wanted to be when I was very little and something I was capable of. Many people perceived this as a waste of talent, intelligence and time.
Yes, we want to follow careers that will make us happy but we also want to achieve financially so that we can survive.
So, in my phase of doubt, I wonder “Did I make the right choice?” Of course, I did. I know that, but the question still hangs in the atmosphere of my brain.