Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it…and complain. We’ve all wanted something so bad for a long time. We have prayed about it. We have worked for it. We have saved for it. We have waited patiently for it. Only to completely forsake it because it’s not what we expected. It’s not as satisfactory as we thought it would be. It wasted time, energy and resources. It caused unnecessary chaos. It wouldn’t have mattered at all if we got it or not. It has us wondering, “What on earth did I bargain for?” or “What on earth is wrong with me?” or “I knew it.” Well, if you knew it, let me ask you, “What on earth is wrong with you?” Just kidding. We all have our moments. Most of the time, we do get what we are looking for, whether it’s good or bad for us. Although, most times we look for what we think is good for us, and actually miss out on what is actually good for us.
I’ve seen this in areas of our lives such as relationships in which we are wounded from previous ones and are constantly testing the waters by poking or pushing the other’s buttons in search of the reaction that wounded us in the past, only to blame the victim when they finally crumble and react in defense, and leave them feeling terrible about themselves and believing that they are actually horrible people for what they “did” to us. Yet, deep down, they are just the person we need; Loving, caring, selfless,…in our situation, “too good to be true.” I was a victim once. Sniff! And, it took me a while to realize, with the validations and affirmations from God and the friends I talked to about my situation, that despite my mistakes and flaws, my motives were pure and my heart was in the right place, and the good I did outweighed the bad by far. I remember one phone call one night from a prayerful lady friend of my mum’s. She didn’t know my situation, but she said, “I was praying and God told me to tell you He knows you are hurting and He says to forgive her…for her sake.” Whoa! I normally take time before I believe such messages that are “God sent” so as not to get in over my head before God Himself confirms it, but this one spoke right to my heart and my spirit. It spoke right to my current situation, so I believed it.
It’s hard to heal from traumatic experiences such as heartbreak, especially when we tend to cope with the pain in our own various ways. Inevitably, we live in a world in which we’ll encounter a lot of it. That’s why it’s important to forgive before we can ever heal. Without forgiveness and healing, our loved ones (friends, girl/boyfriends, spouses, and even children) and other “undeserving” people in our lives end up paying for our offenders’ mistakes. And guess what! The cycle might just be passed on from us to them. We might be the ones to damage them the way we were. God forbid! But, hurt people hurt people and healed people heal people.
We can learn from our experiences though, and be able to discern with God’s help whether or not someone is just plain “evil,” rather than constantly test the waters, which does nothing more but affirm our insecurities, sink us deeper into our anger, depression, our beliefs that no one is trustworthy, and our denial of the reality that we are the ones who keep putting ourselves in such a position as we search for proof first before we ever open up to anyone. God Himself tests us everyday through various circumstances and we are challenged to love others as we love ourselves, aren’t we? But, rarely do we constantly seek the good in others. We are so caught up in guarding our hearts that we can’t fully receive love and don’t fully enjoy those who are nothing short of blessings in our lives. That’s why they’re rarely appreciated for all they do for us, yet quickly condemned with passion when they make mistakes. Rarely do we first look for the good in others before we conclude they are toxic and banish them to the outskirts of our lives. May God heal our hearts and restore His love in us!
In my opinion, if the good outweighs the bad, if the love is greater than the insecurities or the fear to get hurt, if the desire to learn and grow outweighs the rebellious nature, why can’t we give someone a chance to be loved, cherished, heard, understood, and maybe a little tolerated if they are still a little “impossible?” After all, we are all undeserving of God’s perfect love for us yet it’s so freely and graciously given to us. As hard as it is, I think Jesus gave us a clear example when He “dined with the sinners.” Though we aren’t perfect, we do have the choice to be intentional like He was. The trick is to learn how to balance between protecting our hearts while opening them up to those around us. Mmh! That’s something to ponder on. May the Lord guide us!