When Did I Become Me?

When I think back, it seems I have always been interested in certain subject matter. Music. Pop culture. Technology. Sex. In no particular order. 

But it is impossible to have always been interested or attracted to these things. Or is it? Have I always been led along those paths? Or do I just care about those things because of certain convergent moments in my life?

Sometimes, we discover amazing things about ourselves. It could be by chance or deliberate attempts to know ourselves and discover our true nature. Some of us never do and maintain a plateaued existence.

When we undergo these introspective moments of self-discovery, we realise our strengths and weaknesses relative to our present position in this journey called life. We then begin to access the decisive moments that shaped our present convictions and desires. 

A near-death experience. An opportunity taken - or lost. A unique adventure. An intriguing person we will never forget meeting. These moments, essentially, are the building blocks of our persona. 

Because we are shaped by our experiences, we often undergo constant changes to our inherent personality - most times without even realising it. And that's where it gets intriguing for me. 

What is the process behind these changes we are constantly experiencing? What atoms and hormones make me a firm believer in a supernatural being? At what point in my life did this belief become effectively ingrained in who I am? What specific actions happen when my mind changes or my soul gets weary?

“How did you become this way?"

"Why is anybody the way they are? That's kind of hard to answer.” ― E.L. James

Biology aside, the complexity of our humanity and dynamics of the most constant factor we all share - change - is something I've always struggled with. 

Can humanity be completely understood? In what ways have I changed in the time I have been writing this article? How often do these changes occur? Are there definitive metrics I can use to gauge my progress (or regress) as a person? 

I don't have the answers to these questions. I don't know what led to this moment. I don't understand why I decided to no longer write about African men embracing feminism. I don't know why I decided to listen to John Legend's Darkness and Light while these thoughts poured from my head through my hands into this computer. 

All I know for sure is that I am who I am today because of a convergence of factors - experiences I've had, people I've met and information I've been fed. For now, I have to be content with that. Maybe life's changes aren't meant to be understood and we are all just meant to trudge along taking everything as it comes. 

Till I find answers to these questions, I'll be here ... wondering when I became me. 

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