In recent months, I have struggled with the me I am. I love me. I love who I am and what I am. I am beautiful, strong, and amazingly unique. There is no other me, and that is simply the most amazing thing about me. No other me. No other me to compare myself to… that means I am perfect. Perfectly me and perfectly perfect at being me.
So why do I still struggle with me?
Why do I struggle at being me? Why do I see imperfection when I look in the mirror? Why do I see something wrong in the way I am me?
When I was a little girl, I wanted to study law like my father. I wanted to represent the people who have no voices, the people who struggle to express their “mes”. I wanted to be the voice that shouted to the world “LISTEN”; the voice for the people who are not heard. And yet, the people I thought were the instruments meant to remove the hard covers that would hinder me from being that version of me spoke and said “that is not who you should be”. The world instead glued the notion of the young me and made me ‘realise’ that I was too quiet, too shy, too this and not enough that to be what I dreamed me would be.
And so, slowly I changed my focus and dreams of me… I changed the future me from the ADVOCATE OF THE PEOPLE to something less ‘that’ to something more this: quiet, shy, a recluse; noiselessly working in the background without being too much me.
I believed the hard shells that the world put on my back were meant to protect me, from being a me that was not authentic.
And yet, I find myself struggling with me every day. The me I am in my noiseless existence is the me I wanted to be as a child. I am loud, I am outspoken, I am confident, I am boisterous, I am determined, I am the VOICE for the me inside…but only in my noiseless existence. When I leave this safe place, I am back to being this…quiet, shy, almost invisible and forgettable. I am lying. To me and to the world. I am not being fully me.
And that is why I struggle with me. I see imperfection in the mirror because I know there is a me that is ready to come out of the noiseless existence. I see something wrong in the way I am me because there is a fundamental element of me that is locked up and burdened by the weight of words spoken against her. This me constantly is looking for approval from that me, when that me only desires to be allowed to co-exist with this me…to make me more me…a more whole me.
I am ready to allow me to be wholly me.
Me, meet the other part of me. Let us co-exist.